Monday, May 02, 2016

Really good ideas for how to get rid of dictators (without shooting them)

This will work!
So many of our former MPs get themselves recycled as celebrities.
Michael Portillo chugs around Britain with his Bradshaw's railway guide, meeting slightly baffled people who wonder what the attraction can be in his new life in the sidings.  The decent and charming Matthew Parris is everywhere, having made much more, I hope it is fair to say, of his status as 'former MP' than he did as an actual one. Baronness Shirley Williams was rejected three times by the electorate, quite a record, but still has somehow become the Judy Dench of former politicians. Nadine Dorries clearly is bouncing up and down at the back somewhere saying to TV companies, 'Pick me, oh pick me!"
Some in the political classes, surely, come to politics not merely from a passion for social justice but to be famous. And given the opportunity, they find it congenial to drop all the social justice/claiming expenses/ being elected tedium and crack on with their TV careers. I do not criticize them for this. Well done them for entering the political fray even if it was for a short time and as a stepping stone to something else.
But we are missing a trick here. See how, for example, North Korea's dictators have desired nothing really in life beyond a photo with an American president.
The best way to get rid of the Kim Il Sungs and even the Bashir al-Assads of this world is not a large strike with some huge bazooka, happy though that would be. The UN should immediately create several jobs with associated limousines, offices, secretariats. It wouldn't cost much. Here are a few suggestions:
  •  The World Peace Monitoring Body
  • The World Future Planning Office.
  • The Bureau for Inter-Presidential Networking

General Secretaries of these bodies get 15 minutes a year with two or three world leaders of their choice. They get to issue reports and do press conferences. They can travel wherever they like, in their own modest jet. A flat in Geneva would be helpful. Bodyguards? Of course. An office and house in whatever world city they choose to make their home. A generous salary and expense account. Offer these jobs to whichever dictator is most pesky at the time and watch peace break out as his people dance in the streets.
The British trialled this, of course, with Tony Blair. It worked, thank goodness, and it's still working: he doesn't suspect a thing. High time to roll it out across the world.